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There are currently 34 declared candidates in California for the seat of Barbara Boxer, who is retiring after having served four terms in the U.S. Senate. 21 of these 34 candidates have submitted Statements to the public via the Official Voter Information Guide, issued by the California Secretary of State, for the primary election on June 7, 2016. 15 of the 21 Statements are boring; 6 of them (appearing in full below) are not.

In 2014 I made some observations about the sample ballot for the “mid-term” primary held that year in California. I complained in that post about the ordinariness of the Candidate Statements in 2014. This year, the following half-dozen people have more than made up for that lack.

I admire these candidates and think that they make up in earnestness what they may lack in political polish. I wish them all well in their respective campaigns.

-1-

“Rescue America! Rescue America!! Rescue America!!! Californian! Let us together rescue America from turning into a third world country. Enough is enough of American deep suffering. People in Washington has collapsed this country. Therefore, electing Dr. Akinyemi Agbede, as your next United States senator representing the golden state of California 2016 is the answer in order for our country to be reclaimed back.”

—Åkinyemi Olabode Agbede, Democrat, www.americamustregainitsgreatness2016.com

There are many things to love about this Statement. My favorite is the use of “Californian.” Dr. Agbede could have used the plural form, but he chose rightly here: his message is made more personal, as if he had just grabbed you by the lapel and whispered, “Californian!”

-2-

“Run for God’s heart and America’s Freedom, challenge 10 giant chaos in economy and economy-related sectors.”

—Ling Ling Shi, No Party Preference, www.wellsARK.com

There are many, MANY different kinds of chaos in the world but perhaps none is quite so challenging as “10 giant chaos.” This woman is clearly a connoisseur of chaos, and we could do worse than entrust our future to her.

-3-

“I am a follower of Jesus Christ. I stand for the poor, elderly, and disabled, environmental issues, unions, small business, , and represent the average citizen. My website is http://www.alternativevoicesforamerica.org

—Tim Gildersleeve, No Party Preference, www.alternativevoiceforamerica.org

Wait. A follower of Christ who actually seems to espouse the principles of Christ’s teachings? What’s the catch?

-4-

“My education and expertise merits this prolific occupation in order to represent California, as United States Senator. I hold a Democratic Party platform with key issues for gun control, human trafficking, balancing the national deficit, and foreign policy initiatives. I am mainstream Facebook in social media! My core values drive America!

—President Cristina Grappo, Democrat, https://www.facebook.com/people/President-Cristina-Nicole-Grappo/100002770317473

While this is a wonderful Statement (perhaps my favorite this year), I am truly at sea as to why a woman who was already President would want to be a Senator. And, for the record, I, too, am mainstream Facebook in social media … but, really, aren’t we all?

-5-

“01100101”

—Jason Hanania, No Party Preference, www.jasonhanania.com

In computer binary code “01100101” apparently means “e,” as in the letter e. According to his website, Mr. Hanania is making a statement about e-voting.

-6-

“My platform is narrow. It’s more of a single board, really. Federal legislators are doing nothing to protect us from the threat of climate change. I will not do nothing. I swear on the graves of future Californians that I will not sacrifice our actual climate to our political climate.”

—Mike Beitiks, No Party Preference, www.iwillnotdonothing.org

This narrow platform/single board joke is the best one in the 2016 Guide. I may very well vote for Mr. Beitiks because I, too, am concerned by climate change. I also tip my hat to someone whose slogan is “I Will Not Do Nothing.” There is something refreshing about that promise.

 

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